June 12th, 2012


I Discover Star Wars Has Died Two Months Too Late

Originally published at Quantum Matrix Scribe. Please leave any comments there.

In a sign that I am really, really out of step with the mainstream, I have just discovered that this excrable piece of poodoo exists:

I know what you’re saying. “Oh, come on, it’s all in good fun.” And yes, I can buy that argument…up to a point. But there is a line upon which, if one crosses, it is no longer good fun. It is just stupid.

Pray tell, would you ever see a game where Sigourney Weaver would have to win a dancing competition, and that if she lost, the Xenomorph would get to eat her? Of course not. And I’m not arguing that Star Wars is the same thing as Alien–they are about as far as one can get while staying in the science fiction genre–but they do share some thresholds. This one was crossed.

Han Solo would never do those dances. Ever. Seeing him perform the “Trash Compactor” is just degrading. Leia I can see, yes (though she’d probably shoot you for making her do that), or maybe even Mara Jade (er, second thought, no.) But Han Solo is not, and never will be, some pop star singer/dancer that Neyo has signed on to his record. That’s not what his character is.

There is a part of its that charming and hilarious (I actually like the song they sing, by the way) but something about this deeply and inexorable grates on my soul. And I just don’t know how to say it, other than: THIS SUCKS.