I want to just take a moment and say that I really like the title of today's Writer's Block question, I really do. Has all sorts of inspiration brimming within it.
The first one is to obtain meaningful employment. For me, this does not necessarily equate into a full-time job, although that's probably necessary. No, I'm looking for a job that pays the bills and makes me financially independent from my parents. That's it. While I would like a job that involves writing, and something that I would enjoy, at this point, that takes a back seat to the more vulgar, mundane, and prosaic need of not starving and not going broke.
Second, I need to move away. And I don't just mean live in the DC area for the six months of this internship; no, I need to permanently establish an independent domicile away from my parents. This could be only one hour away (although that would put me in an economically depressed area that would hurt my chances of achieving goal #1) or as far as the other side of the globe. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I get out of my parents house and don't come back, unless it's to pick up more of my stuff that I wasn't able to carry out the first time.
The third is to improve and really develop my work ethic. It's not terribly bad--when I have a deadline I get stuff done--but it could use a lot of improvement. This is namely in the area of writing fiction, where I frequently procrastinate and do a lot of thinking but not a lot of doing. I need to supercharge myself on this front and get going with my life.
Fourth, I need to work out. I'm really sick, but on the other hand, I could be a lot more healthy. Plus, girls dig guys with muscle, right? Well, anyways, I feel I need to start working on my body and getting it into shape. As my friend said last night at a New Year's "party," I'm one of the scrawniest men in existence. I think its time to change that.
Fifth, I really need to get back to my writing. I know, I know, I say this every goddamn year, but hey, maybe it will stick. One thing I will change is that I won't put in "get my novel published by the end of the year." I've put that up there far too many times. So instead, I'm doing something different. My goal will be to publish two short stories. That, combined with what I have already, should be enough to get my into the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. So there, that is my ultimate goal on this front: become a member of the SFWA. And I think its doable.
Sixth, on a more personal note, I need a girlfriend. As if I wasn't lame enough, I come out with this line which proclaims my lameness for eternity. But its true. I need a girlfriend. I need someone who will be there for me, and someone I can be there for, to borrow the phrase from an acquaintance of mine. Perhaps I'm something of a late bloomer, but the past six months have felt like I've just hit puberty. At least, emotional puberty, and now my soul longs for someone to hold on to. I fantasize about a blonde, tomboyish girl who doesn't wear skirts or high heels and just wants to cuddle with me, play video games, discuss the finer points of libertarian transhumanism....ah, that is probably just a fantasy, but I don't think a tomboyish girlfriend is entirely out of the question. And right now, I need a partner, at this juncture in my life.
Which leads me to my seventh and final goal, which sort of underpins everything else. That final goal is simple: get out of this funk. Basically, the past two years, since my sophomore year at college, I've been in a state of despondency. Sure, I've laughed, I've smiled, I made friends, and I definitely enjoyed my time in Japan (which was a vacation from reality, as it were), but overall, I've been depressed. I can't seem to do my writing, it just doesn't flow, it doesn't feel alive. All of my actions feel pointless, without meaning. College existed only to cause despair and pain. My parents have been getting more and more irritating, for reasons unknown intensifying their disregard for my autonomy as an adult, and consequently acting more immature. I've had difficulty securing a residency in the DC area for this internship, which just doesn't pay enough for a real apartment. I've been procrastinating, wandering aimlessly around my house without doing anything for hours. Nothing is getting done, really.
This has to stop.
2011 must be the year when I snap out of it, where I go from a generally negative outlook to a more positive one, where I stop being lethargic and start being energetic, going from merely thinking to actually doing. I need to get published. I need to get a job. I really just need to get a life.
Looking back on this post, I realize its probably the most emo thing I've written all year. Well, all last year. Except that...oh nevermind, you understand what I'm trying to say. And I don't care.
*It also occurs to me that I have to set up a more professional blog and overhaul my social media presence...but let's not count that here, as I like having seven goals. Very Bungie.